What a year its been for me. I have been through some of the worst anxiety and depression episodes that life can throw at me, and yet here I am. I have grown so much in the last year and for the first time in my life, I can say that I am moving forward.
I started this blog “The Bipolar Writer” back in September and the changes that I have gone through by sharing pieces of my life has been the best thing to ever happen to me. It got me writing full time again.
I have met the most amazing community on WordPress of people just like me working to tell their story.
I got to see my first screenplay Memory of Shane go from just a dream to completion this year. It’s entered in a student competition that I hope to win. Or at the very least get my name out there as an artist. My screenplay has given me new life to write the novel version of the story. Completing my screenplay opened up the possibility for me to share my own experiences, and it became my blog.
I finally found my courage in writing my blog to finally start to write my memoir, which also titled “The Bipolar Writer.” I am nearing a real first draft. It has been real to share my journey here with The Bipolar Writer blog and I am looking forward to sharing all of my stories.
I have found how therapeutic writing can really be.
I am closer to my goal of finishing my degree, and I have just a few more months before this dream becomes a real reality. It has been a journey the last few years to get this close. There were so many times that I thought it might not happen even in 2017. At one point took a semester off in the Spring of this year, and I almost didn’t go back. But I keep working towards my goals and I persevered.
It wasn’t always good this year. The stress and pressure of completing my screenplay (which I did) landed me in the hospital in February with really bad bleeding ulcers. Since then my issues with my stomach have gotten better and worse. It will be something to work towards in the new year in getting healthier.
2017 was the year of anxiety for me. I can’t count how many panic attacks have been the result of my anxiety levels reaching unimaginable heights. Since the first of January, I have been dealing with the severity of not really understanding the triggers of my social anxiety. I have over the past four months had a better understanding but I have a long way to go.
It amazes me in 2017 how many times I said my last panic attack was the worst one ever.
I said this at least ten different times this year. I finally, over the last month, got the first real change in my Ativan dosage and my anxiety is still there but the panic attacks have been fewer. That is a win in my book.
Where did 2017 really go? I honestly have no idea sometimes. It seems as if it was the longest year ever and at the same time, it went by so fast. It is always an amazing feeling to be through another year. Even though there were plenty of bad days, the successful days outweigh any negatives in my life.
I will write about my goals for 2018 in another post, but I have come so far. This blog means the world to me.
The people that comment and give me hope or advice every day mean the world to me. The connections I have made and the people that have given me their life stories to share on my blog are my reason to keep writing. It has helped me become a better writer, and at the same time, I have learned that every mental illness journey has its unique qualities.
I am going to miss 2017 because it was another year of growth. I got to my much important ten-year anniversary since my first suicide and diagnosis. I have written more this year than any year of my life. I can share my daily struggles with my fellow bloggers and get the real insight into how to better myself.
I have already said this, but I want to thank all of my fellow bloggers and followers that have made it possible for me to be a better writer and person.
So goodbye 2017. You have been an interesting year. I hope 2018 will be the best one yet.
James Edgar Skye