My Mother Saved My Life

There has been one constant in my journey with Bipolar One disorder, and that is my mother. Since the day I was diagnosed she has been there for me fighting the fight that I should have been fighting all along.

She fought for me when I didn’t fight for myself.

I can’t imagine the pain that I put her through over the years. I tried once to figure out how many times in the last ten years that I hurt her. The hospital visits. The suicide attempts. When I decided to not eat most days. When I couldn’t get myself out of bed for weeks at a time. When I just ignored her or caused more problems than she deserved. When she would have to rush home almost weekly because I couldn’t handle life.

I lost track eventually.

How much it must have hurt her to see me not want to a part of the world and not wanting to exist. I just can’t imagine that pain she held inside, and what is even more amazing is that she always believed I would come back.

I don’t deserve my mother, I never did. But, I wouldn’t be here without her. The Bipolar Writer is only possible because of her.

My mother saved my life.

My mother did everything she could those early years of my diagnosis. She fought to get me to see a psychiatrist in the adult system of care. She adjusted her life so that she could take care of someone who, more often than not, told her that he wanted to not be apart of this world. I was the worst version of myself, and even when everyone told her to give up on me and put me away, she said no.

So many people have given up on me over the years and I really can’t blame them because I was insufferable for so many years. Yet my mom stayed the course. My mom was the only person that believed everything I have achieved over the last five years was even possible. Finishing my degree. Writing over the last two years.

James Edgar Skye, my pseudonym, only became possible because of her.

My mother was relentless. She would always make sure I had my medicine no matter the cost or the fact that I had no insurance. She would take me to my appointments for the first three years of my diagnosis because she knew I wouldn’t go. I was so lost, and yet she had faith in me always.

My mother has a big chapter in my memoir The Bipolar Writer, but I thought it was time to honor the one person who willed me into the person and writer I am today. To always believing in the big possibilities in my life.

I am alive because my mother had faith. My mother saved my life. I love my mother for always being there for me.

Always Keep Fighting.

J.E. Skye

Photo Credit: sydney Rae

25 thoughts on “My Mother Saved My Life

  1. You are very lucky to have a wonderful mother. My mother hid my medicine and told me to kill myself. But I have other people in my corner who have become surrogate mothers to me throughout the years.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Mother’s are truly angels! God bless your mum for always being there with you, because of her we now know the incredible and honest writer that you are. God bless! 😊❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your mom sounds a lot like my wife! Through hospital stays, med changes, and ECT, she was my champion, making sure I had the best care possible, whether I liked it or not. She’s more forgiving of me than I am of myself. People like us are so lucky that we’ve got people who will stand by us no matter what.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My mother ❤ My advocate! The leader of my team.!! But saying that makes me feel guilty for not recognizing my whole team. My sister has travelled every avenue to get me there, where ever I needed to be, every store to grab what I forgot and every meeting to hear how she could be of help, not an enabler. My closest friend’s who have supported my efforts and picked up my slack by helping my child feel comforted. I am extremely lucky and grateful to have the support I do as an alcoholic in recovery and as the one of us that is mentally ill.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s wonderful how your mom was your hero! I loved my mom dearly, too, and she did a lot for me when she was alive. Unfortunately, my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly just before my first psych hospitalization. Obviously her death pushed me over the edge. I’m lucky, though, that my husband has been my hero.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you James for sharing. Your AWARENESS of your mother’s ongoing support and your GRATITUDE for her is inspiring!

    I’m curious to know had there been times when things were really difficult and you felt totally alone and like your mother didn’t even understand?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Weekly Wrap-up 12/4 – 12/10 – The Bipolar Writer

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